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Where do we stand – as men – on ending male violence against women? This was a central question raised by the European Institute for Gender Equality at its event in the European Parliament on international human rights day (December 10). Where do we stand on unequal power relations between men and women? How do we look at things we consider normal in our everyday lives which in fact fuel violence? The answers to these questions will show you the man you want to be. It will certainly be more helpful for us than the provocative statement of one speaker: men have, until now, often been raised not to be gay and not to be a woman.

I have identified an often overlooked form of ‘violence’ that men may commit: I refer to the absence of men after divorce in raising their children on an equal footing with women. When you read the statistics on single mothers with full custody of their children, you can immediately see the impact of the absence of the father on the mother’s life, health, career and pension. It is a violence we barely talk about because there is no physical act; rather, there is an absence of relationship. It is a structural violence that we consider part of the tradition of divorce. The man I decided to be is a father raising his children on an equal footing with their mother so that she may continue her life.

To further prevent violence, we should seriously discuss the notions of authority and responsibility. Our laws refer to ‘parental authority’ when they should instead focus on ‘parental responsibility’. Children will have a greater chance to identify unhealthy relationships if they are raised in an environment that empowers them, where they can discuss with their parents their decisions while respecting their parents’ responsibilities.

I am a true believer of non-violence, education and prevention. But when violence occurs, I strongly support sanctions. As Martin Luther King Jr taught us, it is not about education or legislation: it is about education and legislation.

I support the UN campaign HeforShe, which is a first step towards an end to violence, and I want to continue to be a white ribbon ambassador. Social Platform supports the European Women’s Lobby campaign to end violence against women, including through establishing 2016 as the European year to end violence against women and girls.

Now we need men on our side – at home, in the workplace, as fathers, as partners – to engage in these campaigns. Quite simply, we cannot end violence against women without the support of men. This is the man I decided to be. What man do you want to be?

Let’s engage!

Pierre Baussand, Director