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There is a voice in the Brexit debate that we will tragically never hear again: the one of British Labour MP Jo Cox, a “Remain” campaigner, who was assassinated last Thursday. I join the tributes and appreciate that the “Remain” and “Leave” camps have suspended their campaign for two days to pay their respect.

I notice however that the level of tension was excessive in the UK and in Europe, even before the tragic killing. Does the debate need to be so negative and polarised? Should there be such radical and revengeful stands if the UK leaves the EU? I think not.

I was in a debate organised by the European Movement last week, and I was surprised by how quickly the relationship between the UK and the EU was depicted as a divorce scene. And it is true that you could read some statements from EU leadership as retribution or sense of pride if one side is abandoned by the other. President Juncker said that “Brexit won’t be the death of the EU”, and that British “deserters” will get no favour from the EU. I don’t think that after such a long relationship we should approach a potential separation or tension in the couple in such a way.

All separations or divorces do not have to be ugly. The divorcee community could tell you that a tension that is mutually recognised and respectfully discussed is better than throwing words at each other: the way to handle the tension is as important as the result both sides want to reach.

One speaker in the European movement debate stated that no matter what the result on 24 June is, the relationship between the UK and the EU will need a lot of counselling. This means a lot of dialogue instead of threat and injunction. But what struck me the most came from a participant who came to me at the end of the debate and said “I am a member of the European Parliament and I just came to listen”. A man who is very often asked to speak and take a stand just came to listen. I think that before asking the lawyers to enter the room and explain how the separation will be handled by courts, we have to take time to really listen and think how we can remain excellent friends from 24 June onwards.

We have to build on all the essential elements that have made us stronger together, such as the equality legislation that has always been supported by the UK. In the NGO community, we have examples of excellent cooperation with UK organisations that will continue no matter what happens on Thursday.

We have so much in common, so many mutually beneficial interests, that we should try to speak to each other in a respectful way. Only this way can we ensure that, whatever the outcome of the referendum is, we remain not only neighbours and allies, but also friends.

Let’s engage!

Pierre Baussand, Director